May I Return

Whew!

Where does the time go? We're halfway through May, hot weather has arrived, Iron Man 3 and Star Trek: Into Darkness have both come to movie theatres (and both were awesome!), and I'm way behind in my writing. That Ad Astra post down there? Four weeks late. Current project? On hold while I type it up (again). Backup project? Kinda stuck. I need a new backup project, one I can feel some genuine enthusiasm for. Because if there's one thing that's been in short supply for me lately, it's enthusiasm.

I did, however, manage to get in a sentence that starts with Because. Take that, Grade 3 English! >:)

I have been taking a few freelance assignments from Toronto.com. That's been a nice side business, but it's also been stressful working to a deadline. Not a huge deal to some, but I am not some. I'm very anxious to do a great job, to be a professional, to deliver the goods. I wish I felt more grateful for this fantastic opportunity! I mean, I am. For sure. But due to my anxiety I often lose sight of that.

Nevertheless, I have written a number of articles for them, all of which have made it in on time. One was a Valentine's Day article, and they've already taken it down. The next one is about Toronto's best wedding venues, and that one is right here. I did four articles on the High Park neighbourhood - I'll share the links when those articles are published.

I've mentioned my anxiety. My depression has also been giving me problems. I've had a few bad days lately, and on those days I not only can't write, but I sometimes feel like I'll never write again.

But those feelings do pass. When they do, my pen is back in my hand. I know I can rely on myself to keep going. I do worry, though, that I'll never get back the energy and drive I once had.

Ad Astra 2013

As always, I had a fantastic time at this year's Ad Astra convention. Saw good friends, sold some books, did some panels and spent some money on stuff I really didn't need but kinda wanted. And yet, I came away from this con with a heavy heart, and did not book a table for next year.

Why not? Let me put it this way: if there was one word I could use to sum up the whole experience for me, however, it would be bittersweet. I had nothing new to sell, after all, and I had nothing on its way to publication to promote. It felt... like I was yesterday's news, making one last desperate attempt to get noticed before fading into irrelevancy.

Whoa. Got kinda dramatic there. That happens when I'm in one of my moods, a topic that will become even more relevant as this post continues.

Anyway, the con. I went down Friday evening to get registered, find my table, and attend a panel on ebook publishing that featured my good friend Sarah Water Raven (author of Detective Dochherty and the Demon's Tears). It was fun and insightful, but left me no wiser on how to boost sales on Closets(anyone? Pretty pleeze?).

Saturday was busy, with my first panel at 10 in the morning. My friend Monica Kuebler (of Burningeffigy Press, publisher of Section K) came early to run my table while I was away. The Changing Face of the Paranormal in YA featured myself, Kelley Armstrong, and moderator extraordinaire Amanda Sun. We covered a lot of YA paranormal ground, agreed that vampires have been done to undeath, and offered predictions on what the future of the genre might bring (hint - Angels!). I left feeling full of beans, metaphorically speaking, and thought I'd done a good job.

I didn't have quite the same feeling coming out of my 3 PM panel, Demons, Werewolves and Necromancers. My fellow panelists were Jim Butcher, Andrew Pyper and Douglas Smith, three guys who really knew their stuff. I choked on a couple of questions, but managed to hold most of my own as the panel went on. Don't get me wrong, those guys are terrific and did not try to intimidate me in any way, shape or form. I just felt a little out of my depth, like a little kid surrounded by the grown-ups. Of course, the image of the big kid is not something I've ever tried to resist (quite the opposite, in fact).

That night, a large group gathered in one of the Consuites to watch that night's episode of Doctor Who. It was a lot of fun watching a favourite show in the company of so many fans. Space was very limited, however, so there was a lot of shuffling about on the floor to acquire a decent line of sight.

On Sunday I had another 10 AM panel, followed by another at 12. Monica could only come for Saturday, but my fellow vendors were more than happy to watch my table while I was out and about. My first panel was Bullying-TNG with Kari Maaren and Sgt. Pat Poitevin. We discussed the issue of bullying in broad and specific terms, identifying weaknesses in so-called 'zero tolerance' policies and exploring a variety of solutions. Sgt. Poitevin (husband of Sins of the Son author Linda Poitevin)is an RCMP officer who specializes in anti-bullying in schools, and he offered a lot of useful insight.

My final panel was Fandom Mental Health Forum, with Adrienne Everitt, Kate Daley and Brenda Shaw (told you my moods would be relevant again!). All of us were in agreement that the panel time of one hour wasn't nearly enough. We all had a lot to say, and things got very emotional. Naturally I managed to get a plug for The Cupid War in there, but I was reminded of how important it is for me to write even more about mood disorders.

One thing about the con in general that needs to be said: the Timmies Girls were lifesavers! Three young ladies came around three times a day asking vendors if they wanted anything from Tim Hortons. Without their heroic efforts, many of us would have faced near-certain decaffeination.

The con was a good one for me; I sold more books than I thought I would, made some new friends, had lunch with some old ones, and did as much as I could with the time I had. Even so, I missed several panels, readings and parties that I otherwise would have loved to have attended. Some friends I caught only a glimpse of, and I'll have to wait for the next con to get another chance to see them. I'm not sure when that will be for me. I hope to attend Can Con in September, but time (and money) will tell. I still won't have anything new, nor an answer to the question of when will my next book come out. One thing is for certain, though - I am definitely not done with the fandom community. I guess I just really want to prove my worth. I know I don't have to, but that's where I'm at right now.

And, table or not, I will be back at Ad Astra next year.

Guess What Day It Is?

May the 4th be with you!

Ad Astra... All Of A Sudden!

Ad Astra, one of my favourite conventions, begins tomorrow. And I only found out yesterday.

Well, that's not entirely true. I am, after all, signed up for a table and four panels. I'd just lost track of time, and before I knew it here it is!

Lucky my wife Violet reminded me yesterday - I'd have hated to have found out Sunday evening!

Below are my panels and times. I will be selling copies of my novels (and probably a few toys) at my table the rest of the weekend. Hope to see lots of you there!


Saturday 10 am Ellsemere West - Changing Face of the
Paranormal in YA Fiction
Amanda Sun (m), Kelley Armstrong, Timothy Carter
Characters of diversity, worlds built on non-western mythologies, and stories influenced by anime, manga and gaming culture are combining to create a new face of Young Adult Fiction. This panel explores the face of fantasy and the paranormal in YA and how it is changing. How does it differ from the fantasy books we grew up with? You’ll have to join the conversation to find out.

Saturday 3 pm Ellsemere East - Demons, Werewolves, and
Necromancers
Douglas Smith (m), Jim Butcher, Timothy Carter, Andrew Pyper
There are new trends forming in the paranormal genre. Traditionally ‘evil’ characters are turned into heroes. Paranormal fiction is expanding and so is the demographic of people who read it. How do you keep these new ideas from becoming cliché? What works and what doesn’t? Attend this panel to plumb the depths – and shallows – of the unknowable.

Sunday 10 am Arctic - Bullying- TNG
Kari Maaren (m), Timothy Carter, Sgt. Pat Poitevin
As SF and fantasy nerds, we were probably bullied as kids. With the advent of cyber-bullying, how do we begin bully-proofing our own nerdy kids? Not to mention the more subtle bullying we’ve become subject to as adults. In this panel, conceive and discuss effective strategies for dealing with the Biff Tannens of this brave, new world.

Sunday 12 pm Berczy B - Fandom Mental Health Forum
adrienne everitt (m), Timothy Carter, Kate Daley
Fans come together to discuss their struggles with mental illness and how the deal with it, both within Fandom and in real life. We will provide resources for getting help, as well as some worksheets to take away. This panel focuses on creating a safe environment for people to share successes and failures in dealing with mental illness. This panel is a non-professional peer support initiative and is not intended to replace professional/medical advice.

My Revision Needs Revising

I'm really struggling to get on with editing and revising my work. I have four manuscripts on my hard drive, waiting for me to rewrite them from a cruddy first draft into a reasonable second, and then a ready-to-show-people third. I want to get on with it, I really do, but at times it can seem so very daunting.

My depression plays a part, of course. All tasks seem impossibly hard when I'm down, revisions included. I can't even crack my laptop open during those times, so editing is out of the question.

When I'm feeling better, though, it just seems like exactly what it is: a lot of work waiting to get done. That bothers me more than it used to. It would seem like I've got the deck stacked against me, or rather like I've stacked the deck against myself.

Having said that, I have managed to revise the first 100 pages of a project called Kids Who Know. Longtime readers of this blog will remember me describing this novel as the best book I'll ever write. I feel very strongly about this story (obviously), but perhaps I shouldn't have hyped it up so much in my mind. That's a lot to live up to. Will I ever produce a draft of this book that will meet such a lofty goal?

If I don't try, however, I'll never advance any further with my writing career. I've got one very important thing on my side - I want to succeed as a writer. Therefore, I must persevere. Bit by bit, I will.

New Business

I'm working on a new business plan for myself. My old novel-writing plan hasn't worked out, and it is well past time I swallowed that bitter pill.

The novels I've put out so far have all taken place in different worlds - stand-alones, in other words, with no recurring characters (even my demons have been different!). I really want to do a series, and my current project Zombie Jesus Day will play into that; it is set in the same universe as my last project, I'm So Goddamn Sick of Vampires. I have ideas for more stories in this universe, including an ongoing mythology, and I might even be able to work in a half-finished project from six years ago.

This new universe is where I feel I should be devoting my creative energy. That means I shouldn't be working on stories that aren't part of this new world, including followups to Evil and The Cupid War. I really want to finish I, Suicide, my Cupid War spinoff; a number of readers have asked me for Cupid War and Evil sequels. However, Evil and Epoch went out of print last year, and I fear The Cupid War will soon join them. Building upon those worlds simply isn't practical for me at this point.

I probably will finish I, Suicide, however. I'm invested in it, and it would be a shame to throw away all that material. It will remain a backup project, and will likely see publication as a self-published ebook. Not that my success rate with ebooks has been particularly high (anyone want to buy an e-copy of Closets? Please?).

Nevertheless, I do feel I should stop working on I, Suicide. I'm being all artist, and I need to be more businessman. On the other hand, I've learned never to stifle my muse. If it wants a story told, that's always been good enough for me. And who's to say I, Suicide won't be a big hit?

Nobody, that's who.

All I'm really saying is, I feel I need more focus, more discipline, and a fresh start in a new universe will get me a lot closer to that goal. That's the plan.

Let's see how it goes.

New Job, New Time

Tomorrow I start a new job for the same company I've been working for through Manpower for the last two-and-a-half months. I've been doing data entry for the WSIB up until now, but that work is drying up. Starting tomorrow, I'll be working in the mail centre, delivering stuff around the building and the neighbourhood.

And I'll be doing the 7:00AM - 3:00PM shift.

Yeah. Seven in the morning. I can do it - I've been getting downtown for 7:30 every morning for my 8:00AM start time. The thing is, I used that extra half an hour before work to write. I will lose that half-hour period from now on; I just don't have what it takes to get downtown any earlier. I'm pretty fantastic and awesome, but I'm not that fantastically awesome. I'm not even sure I'll have time to stop at Tim Horton's for tea (gasp!).

Fortunately, the mornings aren't my only writing times. I will still have my lunch hour, and more time after work to do my stuff. I'll miss that half-hour, though. I always feel better about my day when I've started it off with some solid creativity.