2014, And the Stuff That Happened To Me In It

So, the New Year is here, as it always seems to be this time of year. Time to look back, time to look forward, time to make promises - sorry, resolutions - one has no intention of keeping (if pop culture is to be believed, which it usually is).

2014 was a good year for me. And, as a person living with depression and anxiety, I do not say such a thing lightly. Speaking of which, I've been tapering off one of my medications. If I can get off it completely while still remaining healthy, I'll be very happy (no pun intended).

So, what else was good in 2014? Let's take a look:

I sold the movie rights option for Evil, one of my best novels. I finished and posted a novel-length (or at least novella-length) work of Doctor Who fan-fiction, which you can find here. And, in the last couple of days before the year ended, I finished the first draft of I, Suicide, a Cupid War spinoff four years in the writing. I wrote a few short stories too, one of which is a Cupid War story! You'll be seeing that here before too long.

I was employed for well over half the year. Not bad, but I can do better. One resolution of mine is to break away from temp agencies. I'll say more about that in another post.

I visited my sister Claire in Regina. That did both of us a lot of good.

I gave up soft drinks, with only one relapse; I drank a half-litre bottle of Pepsi at my sister's place. Bad Tim! But the ginger ale I drank while I was fighting a cold does NOT count! That was for medicinal purposes. It's funny, people have asked me if I feel any better now that I've (mostly) stopped drinking pop. Honestly, I don't feel any different.

I went to four conventions this year, five if you count the Fan Expo (I don't). Each one brought me closer to my fandom friends while introducing me to new ones. Two cons were out of Toronto, another bold step forward in my self-promotion. Before you know it, I'll be a star attraction at San Diego ComicCon! Well, I can dream. Might as well dream big!

Not everything was good. Last month I got notice that The Cupid War is now out of print. I also removed Closets from SynergEbooks, so the only titles I have available are Section K (paperback) and The Five Demons You Meet In Hell (ebook). My novel-writing career has taken a huge hit, and it will take a lot to bounce back.

Part of that bouncing back will involve re-releasing Closets through Smashwords. I'm also planning to release my next ebook, Apoca-Lynn, through Smashwords on Valentine's Day. I'll keep writing, of course: next up is a sequel to Apoca-Lynn, and the continuation of Zombie Jesus Day. I have a lot to do, and for that I'll need a lot of motivation and energy.

Hello, 2015. Here we go!

The Best Title One Could Hope To Come Up With

I started writing this at the end of my 3rd week at my latest temp job. Naturally there was a cup of Tim Horton's steeped tea next to me as I put pen to paper. The week has gone well, and it's great to be earning money again.

Writing has also been picking up. The end is in sight for I, Suicide, and new projects are coming together in my head. I'll be posting a new short story here soon. It's a bit of an experiment, with no fantasy elements at all! I know. I'm scared, too.

It is now Tuesday night of my 4th week at work. Still going well, I'm glad to say. I went to a friend's birthday party on the weekend, and I'm very glad I did. Socializing is good for me. I made a new friend!

Right now I'm watching Marvel's Agents of Shield. Good show. And I need to study it. Why? Stay tuned...

Ad Astra and Beyond

The con is over, and Post Fandom Depression has set in. Or rather it did, back when I started writing this bit. Better late than never, I say. And I say it a lot.

I've since returned to the real world, where Violet and I must do our taxes, and I'm back in the wonderful world of temping.

But back to Ad Astra. The last day was memorable. There was the Mental Health and Fandom panel, which was reasonably well attended. All of us had a lot to say, in a compassionate and healing environment. I will always be grateful to this panel and its participants.

Violet wanted me to get a picture or action figure of one of her fangirl crushes, like Hugh Jackman as Wolverine or Chris Evans as Captain America. Preferably shirtless. I was unable to find exactly what she was looking for, so I got her this action figure. I have no idea who the character is, but he's shirtless and ripped, and he's got a sword. Violet very nearly liked him. Ah, well. Next convention, my Love!

The last panel I attended before setting off home was about Star Trek; I sat in attendance, and my friend and fellow author Sarah Water Raven was on the panel. I have to say, it went much better than my Star Trek panel back at Reversed Polarity (though not as good as the one I did at GenreCon). No Uber-Nerds, for one thing. And some interesting ideas were put forth. Well worth my time!

After that, it was time to say goodbye to a few stragglers before catching the VIVA buses back home. I sat across from a dude who had a bag of barbecue-flavoured sunflower seeds, and the area all around him was littered with shells. He taught me how to eat sunflower seeds, which apparently I'd been doing wrong all these years. You don't eat the shells - you suck the flavour out of the shell, crack them and eat the seed within, then spit the shells away. Good to know. Too bad he didn't feel like cleaning up after himself.

Monday, April 7th, involved a ridiculous amount of telephone tag with my temp agency to get me accepted into a mailroom job. It worked out in the end, though, and I was working as early as Wednesday. I've been sticking labels onto envelopes, stuffing envelopes, and lifting heavy boxes full of papers that will eventually end up in envelopes. Not the most challenging of jobs, but work is work. They are a good bunch, which certainly helps. Plus, my contact at the temp agency took me out to lunch last week! That's never happened to me before! Wow.

I've managed to get back into my novel Zombie Jesus Day, about which I am ecstatic. At the same time, my enthusiasm for my Doctor Who fanfic Bane of the Doctor has cooled a bit. I've got two more episodes still to post, so I'm not particularly worried yet. BTW, the latest installment can be found here.

Finally, I got back the processed German tax forms from Revenue Canada. I sent them off by Xpress Post on Thursday - did you know it costs $61 to send something from Canada to Germany via Xpress Post? Well, it does. It will be worth it, however, when they pay me the option fee for Evil. Woo-hoo!

2014 is... Evil?

Already 2014 is off to a very good start. Today, Violet and I both rejoined the world of the employed! I start a new long-term temp assignment on Monday, and Violet has been hired by our local Home Depot. She's worked for the company before, and enjoyed the experience very much. This news could not have come at a better time - both our EIs have run out!

And while that is certainly good news for both of us, I have something else to report that might just eclipse everything. It's been in the works for a little while now, and I didn't want to say anything for fear of a) jinxing it, and b) getting everybody's hopes up before it was more or less a sure thing.

A production company in Germany has approached me regarding the movie rights for Evil.

I know, eh? Wicked!

But that's not all! I've asked if I can write the script, and they appear open to the idea! Now technically, I can demand that writing the script be part of the rights sale. They are mine, after all, and I can make whatever demands I please. I could ask to be paid in green M&Ms! Of course, if I demand ridiculous stuff, they might decide to go after some other author's book. They have a guy in mind to write the script, but they want to see a treatment from me (ie - how I would adapt the book for the screen) to see if we are more or less on the same page. If so, then I might be a screenwriter once again! If not, no worries. Selling book rights is a fairly new thing for me, and I'm delighted enough at their interest. Writing the script would simply be gravy.

The production company have also expressed interest in The Cupid War. Flux still owns those rights, so they'll handle it. I will, of course, get a sweet check out of that sale!

I will of course provide more details as they happen. In the meantime, I'm just delighted to have some really good news to share!

Oh, and our cats got run over. :(

Kidding! They're fine.

My 2013 Post

So, 2013. Time to look back on it. And for the purposes of blogging, time to reflect on what was good or great about last year, and express positive hopes about the year just begun. Very important not to dwell on the bad stuff, as that would be Unprofessional and No Fun To Read, and just plain WRONG. It might get Too Personal, and nobody really wants that.

Except, I always try to tell the truth on this blog. Or at least, I always want to. I've whitewashed events or glossed over hurts for fear that it would Reveal Too Much, and Drive Readers Away. This blog's main goal is to attract new readers to my work, and to entertain and involve current readers in what I'm up to. It should not be about my personal life, unless it is to mark a positive occasion, or has something to do with my cats.

Everyone loves cat pictures.

But, regardless of what I Should or Should Not say in this blog, I'm going to discuss 2013 for what it was. I suffer from Depression, so even the negative events are positives when you consider that I got through them.

So, what was 2013 for me?

It was the year I landed a decent temp assignment, one that kept the bills paid from January through to June. For the first half of the year, Violet and I had financial stability. The company I worked for liked me so much that they kept me on when one contract ended, then extended my contract two more times. I was well liked by the people I worked with... except for just one person.

It was the year I failed, yet again, to deal with a workplace bully. I stood up to that bully, which for me is huge, but that didn't make things any better. I consider this a personal failure because I wasn't able to brush off this bully's behaviour as the antics of an insecure person. I couldn't just "not be bothered" by this person. I took it personally, I felt weak, and I couldn't rise above it. I still can't.

It was the year I finally qualified for Employment Insurance! That helped tremendously, because I couldn't find any more work until just recently. Job searching continues to be a hard and painful struggle for me. EI allowed us to survive the lean summer and fall months while we dished out resume after resume into the void.

It was the year Violet graduated from George Brown College with a diploma in Graphic Design! Very, very proud of her. This is a huge step forward for her career. My parents came up from Ottawa to be there for the graduation ceremony, and took us out to dinner afterward. Splendid days!

I finished the first draft of a new novel that I feel extremely positive about. I call it I'm So Goddamn Sick of Vampires. I still have to edit it quite a bit, but it is a good story and breaks new ground for me as an author. I also wrote a couple of new short stories, continued working on a Cupid War spinoff I'd started but abandoned in 2011, began a new Doctor Who fanfiction story, and wrote the first 3rd of a new YA Horror Comedy as well.

One of those new short stories had been written specifically for an anthology, following encouragement that I interpreted as a request from the anthology's editors. They turned it down. Second time that’s happened to me. Third, actually, if you count the time a magazine asked me to rewrite a story from a different character’s point of view and then turned that version down, too. That was a kick in the balls. Nevertheless I'm proud of that story, and Violet said it was one of my best.

I wrote numerous articles for Toronto.com. It was a great experience, and gave me a new perspective on professional article writing. For one article, I interviewed two of my co-workers for information on wedding venues. It was a fun experience that I enjoyed tremendously, and the pay was decent, too!

Then, the former editor returned and made some policy changes. One such change was to reduce the fee for articles by half. I decided my writing is still worth the same as before, so I haven't accepted any new assignments from them. A shame. It was great while it lasted.

Doctor Who celebrated its 50th Anniversary! As a big fan of the show, this was a big deal for me. The anniversary special, The Day of The Doctor, did not disappoint, and it was fun having it to look forward to all year.

I attended four conventions this year: Ad Astra, GenreCon, SFContario and Reversed Polarity. GenreCon was especially important for me, for two reasons. One, it wasn't in Toronto; the decision to do a con in Guelph was a big one for me. Two, I was asked by the organizers to come and be a part of the programming. What an honour! That meant so much to me.

I haven't written about my experiences at SFContario this year, or the panel I did at Reversed Polarity. Both were fun experiences, and both presented new challenges. I didn't write posts about those cons, or any posts since November, for reasons I will make clear momentarily.

It was the year I released a new novel, The Five Demons You Meet In Hell! I self-published the book through Smashwords, and it is my second attempt to break into the ebook market (Closets was the first). A good friend of mine, Sarah Water Raven, did a spectacular cover for me, and made me flyers that I handed out at my last three conventions. It was great to get back into the game once more, and with all the promotion I was giving it through my social media sites, I was certain it would be a success!

It wasn't. Or, to be slightly less negative, it hasn't been a success yet. From the day I released it, November 13, until today, I have sold exactly nine copies.

Nine.

9.

I haven’t even been able to break into double digits.

What, I’ve been asking myself, have I been doing wrong? Promoted it at conventions with flyers? Check. Even did a reading from it at GenreCon. Promoted it on the blog? Check. On Facebook? Checkity-check. Fan page and everything. Twitter, too. I have over 1,000 followers on Twitter, and nearly 1,500 Facebook Friends. That’s a lot, isn’t it? And I did special deals, like dropping the price to 99 cents on Black Friday. I figured I’d have sold at least 100 copies by now.

But I haven’t. I’ve sold nine.

NINE.

What. The. Fuck?

I did not take this disappointment well. I went into a serious funk, what many would call ‘Feeling Sorry For Myself’ but a select few would acknowledge as ‘A Depressed Person Dealing With Bad News’. I stopped blogging, withdrew even further from social activities, didn’t even bother to plan my birthday party until the last minute. And on a few dark days, I thought of suicide once more. Not terribly seriously, and never with intent, but always with a strong desire to just Stop. It seemed as if all my efforts, all my hard work, simply hadn’t paid off, and the future did not look bright at all.

I got through it. I always do, with friends and family helping me. I’m feeling better about things, and putting the poor sales of 5 Demons into a different perspective. It’s not the final crashing and burning of my writing career; rather, it is just another learning experience along the way. The book hasn’t had any reviews yet; my next goal is to get some. And, of course, to keep producing output.

So, 2014. Resolutions? Nah. Not unless I can think of some funny ones. What I will do is keep writing, keep going, keep believing in a future where that payoff comes.

And right now, I do believe.

Today is a good day.

October Occupations

My Ottawa vacation is over, and October has begun. My search for employment continues; I could really use a good job that lasts a few months. Maybe even a year. Or two. I'd hoped to come back to such a job - I'd been chasing a data entry position before my holiday, but unfortunately that whole thing fell apart. A real shame, as it would have had good pay and benefits and everything.

I've finished the first draft of my latest novel, currently titled I'm So Goddamn Sick of Vampires. My next project is called Zombie Jesus Day, and I've already got a good start on it. I don't know if I've ever jumped so easily from one novel to another, at least not without a month of downtime in-between. ZJD is a concept I've been punting around in my mind for several months now, and I can't wait to tell it.

Apart from those projects, I still have several completed first drafts that need revisions and rewrites before they'll be ready for public consumption. I've also got I, Suicide and Evil 2 to return to, when I'm ready for them. I'm contractually bound to offer any sequel or spin-off of The Cupid War(such as I, Suicide) to Flux before any other publisher. Unless some kind of miracle happens and The Cupid War becomes a best-seller, Flux will not want to publish it.

Evil 2, however, is another story - all the unsold rights for Evil have reverted to me. No reason I can't pick up where I left off with that book, provided the story stands well enough on its own.

For now, though, I'm sticking with Zombie Jesus Day. It looks to be a very fun write. I'll need that kind of a project to help me through the job-searching days ahead. Fingers crossed I get some decent employment soon!

Work: Good For Writing?

I returned to work last week, and by work I mean a day job. My writing is my other job, but that still doesn't pay the bills. This day job is a data entry temp position acquired through the Manpower agency. My job is to book ad space in newspapers, or fix problems with existing booked ads. I'm still learning, and waiting to be completely set up on their system by IT. There's a bit of stress as I try to fill my brain with all the information I need to do my job. The question for me is, will this position be good for my writing? It doesn't matter so much to my creative side whether or not a job is good or bad. More important is how I feel about it. A job can be low-paying and fairly boring, but if I am well treated I will usually be happy. If, on the other hand, I am treated like I'm less valuable than the furniture, I find it very hard not to internalize it. A bad job can motivate me to write as a means of escape, but a lack of respect from a boss or co-workers will strangle my soul and kill my creativity. I won't necessarily lose the ability to write (although that has happened from time to time), but my output will slow considerably. So far, this job has been all right. My co-workers have been great, and my writing output has increased a little bit. I won't know for sure how conducive this position will be for my creative soul until I've been there a few weeks. I'll check back in a month, and maybe go into more detail about which jobs have helped and which jobs have hurt, and why. In the meantime, I'm considering the creation of a new blog about temp work. I've had more than a little experience working for agencies, so I have plenty to say. If this is something you think you'd like to read, leave me a comment below.

Back to Temp Work

After nearly eight months of unemployment, I have finally managed to land myself a job - Data entry for QMI Sales, "a full service media solution company." I obtained this position through Manpower, my current temp agency. It should run until the end of July; after that, we'll see. I've done plenty of data entry before, so there's no reason why I shouldn't excel. I might learn a thing or two from them about marketing, too. I start tomorrow; today is my last day of freedom. I anticipate this new job with my usual feelings of anxiety, but also with a great deal of relief. Financially, things are about to get a lot better. I'm also hoping for an increase in my writing output. You'd think I'd get more done when there's nowhere I need to be during the day, but that just isn't true. I need structure; a job gets me out of the house, and forces me to work my writing time around it. Under those circumstances, I have found myself to be a lot more creative. The fact that I'm a lot less stressed about money will also help tremendously. The question is, though, will this job be conducive to my writing life? I've had numerous temp jobs where I've been treated badly, and I can't write when I'm upset. I think I'm better equipped now to handle those situations, but it's still a concern for me. I'll keep my fingers crossed for a good boss and a happy atmosphere. This could turn out really well for me. It might even turn out to be a step in the right direction for my career. I'm thinking positive. Here goes!